Hamlet

‘To be or not to be; that is the question. What the fuck is that bloody prince on about? He don’t know that he is born!’

‘A silver spoon. That’s what ‘e ‘ad. There he goes again, mooning about his dead dad and his fucking mother.’

‘Claims his uncle the king is that incestuous, that adulterate beast. Married his mother too quick. What he don’t know is what we know.’

‘Yeah. All those months she slept walked from her boodwaar to ‘er husband’s brother’s. My Jennie told me the sheets were always a right mess.’

‘A right so and so she is. Not Jennie, that Gertrude. Knows what side her breads buttered on that’s for sure.’

‘My Jennie, she tol’ me that if you look at ‘Amlet right, well you can tell, he ‘as the look of ‘is uncle like.’

‘You mean?’

‘Yeah, right on. Born the other side of the broom that one. Well it was no surprise to any of the women folk when she married ‘im as quick as the passing of the day. She wan’ed the money and the position of course but she also wan’ed ‘im and to put the real faavver and son togever like.’

‘He has a right oedipal complex. I’ve heard from John who heard it from Geoff who heard it from Jack who heard it from ...’

‘Get on with it, I get the gist.’

‘Any way, that he’s mad as the proverbial and he’s gonna kill his uncle, his real dad.’

‘What the fu ... kill ‘is own dad? What’ll that do to ‘is mum?’

‘Well, John said, he wants to marry his mum!’